A New Normal
by Buffintruder
Summary: After the events of Firebringer, Zazzalil gets used to her marriage with Jemilla and reconciles with Keeri


"Hey, babe," Jemilla said, gently touching her new wife's shoulder. They had only been married for a few days, but she had already come to deeply care for the other woman. "What's the matter?"

Zazzalil was staring pensively beyond the space where they were building a village. It was evening now, so no one was working on it at the moment. Seeing someone who was usually so full of life being so quiet was a little disconcerting to Jemilla. Knowing her as long as she had, she knew that her wife could go without talking lots of times, when she was sleeping, for example, but this silence held a certain weight to it.

After a long pause, Zazzalil said, "I never really made up with the rest of the tribe, you know? Like on an individual level. And for the most part, that's okay. I saved them with you, we both learned from each other, and now we co-lead better than either of us did alone."

"There's a 'but' in there somewhere, isn't there."

"Keeri..." Zazzalil muttered in response.

"What happened?" she questioned gently.

"I tried to get her to abandon the tribe with me before I found you again. And one of the last thing she said to me was 'fuck you.'"

"I can't believe Keeri had the spine to say that," Jemilla said, impressed.

"She was right. I love her, you know. I wanted to maybe someday marry her, but I never really said anything. And now I wonder if it's too late. If I messed up too badly this time."

" _Zaz_ _,"_ Jemilla said firmly.

"What?"

"You ruined my life. You forced me out of my tribe, my family, and nearly got everybody killed. But now look at where we are. I had every reason to hate you, and I did, but you came to me and apologized. We made it work. If that can happen, then why wouldn't you be able to make things better with Keeri?"

"I love you so much," Zazzalil said, as if hit once again by the overwhelming feeling of it. She gave Jemilla a quick kiss. "You're saying that I should talk to her and apologize?"

" _Yes."_

"It's just..." With no better word to describe her feelings, Zazzalil settled for, "Scary."

Jemilla pulled her close, softly stroking her back. "I know it is. But I also know that you can do it."

"Okay. I can do it," Zazzalil said, trying to convince herself of the fact. She kissed her wife another time, before drawing back.

"Go get her, tiger... er... sabertooth tiger," Jemilla called out after her encouragingly.

The tribe had started to build a village, like what they had lived in when Zazzalil was leader. There was still a lot of work to do, but the basic structure of it had taken shape. Zazzalil walked to the foundation of a hut she knew Keeri was planning to build and live in.

She was standing nearby, laughing over something with Shwoopsie and Tiblin. Zazzalil hesitated. Starting this conversation always seemed easier in her head (which said a lot, since she never imagined it to be easy at all), where she didn't have to interrupt anyone to have it. Maybe it would be better to just come back later, when Keeri wasn't so busy.

Except Zazzalil suddenly remembered that tone of Jemilla's voice, could picture the warm, loving look in her eye, when she had said, " _I know that you can do it_ _._ " If Zazzalil went back now, she would have to face her disappointment.

Taking a deep breath, Zazzalil stepped out of the shadows into the firelight. For a moment, she panicked, because she should have planned it out, figured out what to say, before stepping out, but now Keeri's eyes were on her and she had to say something.

"Can we talk, Keeri? I mean, I understand why you wouldn't want to, but if you do, that would be nice."

"Um, sure?" Keeri said, not quite catching Zazzalil's meaning. "Why wouldn't I want to talk to you?"

"We'll just be on our way," Tiblyn said, dragging a protesting Shwoopsie with her. She understood, even if no one else did, that Zazzalil meant for the conversation to be private.

Zazzalil waited for them to leave before saying, "Because of that whole thing with me leading the tribe to ruin? And then abandoning it?"

"Oh yeah," Keeri said. She remembered her anger towards Zazzalil earlier, if it could even be called that, but it didn't seem really to be something to cause her to not want to speak to her now.

"I just wanted to say that you were totally right about it being my fault, and staying with the tribe was the better thing to do. I realize how wrong I was now. I was the coward, while you made the smart and brave choice."

"That doesn't really happen often," Keeri joked, giggling, but the humor fell away quickly. "I was just..." she started, trying to explain what she had felt, but couldn't quite find the words.

"Mad?" Zazzalil suggested.

"No," Keeri said. "Frustrated. And sad, I guess. You weren't the person I knew before."

"I'm sorry," Zazzalil whispered.

"Hey, you made things better with Jemilla and the new fire, right?" Keeri would be lying if she said that all those feelings she had felt on that night when she chose to rescue Grant instead of following Zazzalil were gone, but the feelings that she had always felt towards Zazzalil weren't either. She didn't want Zazzalil to feel bad now, even though she kind of did then.

"I guess I did," Zazzalil said, smiling a little. "Does that mean things can be good between us?"

"I'd love that," Keeri replied excitedly. "But... I can't forget everything." It was hard to put into words what she meant and felt. That she forgave Zazzalil, but that it didn't mean it had never happened.

"Things aren't going to be normal again though," Zazzalil said, understanding at least part of what Keeri hadn't said. "We aren't going to be able to go back to picking nuts and breaking rules. I'm a chief now... You said something about me being in charge and stuff before, and that's why you didn't want to run away with me."

"I know. Just don't mess up this time, alright?" She laughed. "That was my problem with you, that you didn't listen, that you screwed everything up, not that you were in charge. I'll miss doing the old stuff with you, but we can make a new normal."

"That sounds wonderful."

"If it was just Grant at stake, I would have gone with you," Keeri added. "He's a great guy, but if you hadn't messed up so badly, I would have chosen you."

"Really?" Zazzalil asked, amazed. Before she could stop herself, she said, "Would you marry me?"

"Um," Keeri said, taking by surprise.

"I mean, not now, if you don't want. But it's just, I've always liked you a lot. No, I love you. It was easier to not change what we had then, so I never thought about it too hard, but since we're making a new normal. I thought maybe... But if you don't want to, that's completely understandable."

"Yes!" Keeri said. After her shock, her first thought was delight. But there was something more, that rushed in later, making her want to hold back. "Actually, maybe later? It's just, I don't know this new you very well. And I don't really know yet."

"That's cool," Zazzalil said, secretly bursting in relief. "Marrying two people in two weeks would be a little much. It's one thing if you get married to a bunch of people at once, but if you're doing it one at a time... Plus with everything changing. I have enough different things to get used to, is what I mean."

"So much is different," Keeri agreed. "But I'm still gathering nuts."

"Yes, you are." Zazzalil remembered that, despite everything that had changed, many of the same jobs needed to be done, such as collecting food, and so it was only logical that the same people would continue to do those jobs. Zazzalil herself had been busy supervising the building of their new village, and figuring out how their lives were going to work now with Jemilla.

Keeri took Zazzalil's hand. "Join me sometime?" she asked earnestly. "Maybe our new normal can be a bit like our old one too."

"That sounds perfect," Zazzalil said, grinning widely.


End file.
